6 Attributes of Relational Leaders

I’ve said before that a healthy young adult ministry helps assimilate people into the life of the church. I encourage leaders to go about this less programmatically and more relationally. I know it sounds good theoretically, but what are some of the characteristics a relational person needs to have when connecting young adults to God, the church, and their purpose in life? Relational people aren’t required to have a type A personality or to always be the life of the party. People who connect well with young adults aren’t necessarily out going or filled with charisma. This generation simply needs to connect with spiritually mature adults. Here are six attributes to consider.

1. Authentic – Young adults have a spiritual gift of being able to sniff out a phony from a mile away. They don’t need you to be relevant, they need you to be you. They will begin trusting you when you begin to be honest with yourself.
2. Truthful – Follow through on your word. Be there when you say you’re going to be there. Call them back when you say you’re going to call back. Not much severs a relationship more than when you don’t follow through on a promise.
3. Encourager - Encouragement is a great motivator. When people reach their twenties, they become more goal oriented and more willing to accept challenges. Encouragement goes a long way in helping them determine who they can and will become.
4. Committed – This generation needs to see commitment modeled. They need to know and see someone who is faithful to church, their spouse, and God. When you see them noncommittal, realize that they do what they see.
5. Patient – Young adults aren’t very spontaneous. They are well planned and extremely organized when processing their decisions. Don’t expect immediate change in their behavior. Don’t even challenge their behavior. If you want to see results, challenge the way they think while understanding that it takes time to change someone’s mind.
6. Compassionate – People are sick and tired of sitting in churches. They want to see the church respond to the hurt and pain that’s going on around them. Moreover, they need to see you respond to the homeless, wounded, and broken.

I encourage you, as you build the bridge relationally, to not just give the responsibility over to elders, but to develop and to look for relational leaders. More people want to help than we assume, but they often feel inadequate. Begin by asking someone, who exemplifies the characteristics listed above, to meet with a young adult just one time for a cup of coffee. A one-time meeting could be the catalyst to a continual bridge building relationship. In addition, encourage those who feel unqualified to relate to a young adult by helping them overcome their fears. You may have to deconstruct and reconstruct some ideologies when it comes to building rapport with this generation. Educate your congregation in the fact that young adults are desperate for relationship with older people. People tend to overcome their insecurities when they become aware of how much they are wanted.